grieve . . . . . honestly

We celebrated Mama & Daddy’s life as a huge family just a year ago today.  

Mama, Daddy, as long as I live I will find ways to continue to celebrate you, your life, your love, & your leaving.  

For now here is what I’m learning ~

I’ve heard it often ~ there is no right or wrong way to grieve 

BUT there are a couple of ways I’ve definitely gone at it wrong

~ for starters . . . 

    Grieving isn’t silencing God’s work.

    I never wanted my missing Mama & Daddy to take away from God’s divine, perfect plan.  I realize how badly and how much I miss them but always want to point others to Jesus.  I never want anyone to think I loved God less for welcoming them HOME.  I never want anyone to think I doubt his SOVEREIGNTY if I am sad.  

However, I wasn’t HONEST

How little of me as I don’t have that power! I pushed down on the missing part so I could represent God well.  However, God doesn’t need my protection! He shines, speaks, represents Himself well through me and all my emotions.  This includes how I’m dealing w/ pain - Am I processing or masking? Am I pretending it isn’t there? Grieving isn’t silencing God’s work - it’s processing the pain & grief in order to GROW.

~ secondly . . . . .

    Strong, Stable, & Steady is not measured in tears.  

     I put a guard up around my boys.  I haven’t let them see me cry for fear they would find me weak. I pushed my heart longing and heart crying away so they wouldn't think I was unstable. I felt my young men didn’t need to worry about me. BUT My boys . . . young men need to see me for who I am, HONESTLY.  It is healthy to grieve, miss, long for, have heart ache, etc.  I owe it to Jacob & Ben for them to see me face life’s joys & challenges and the various ways I approach them all. I for sure don’t want them (or anyone for that matter) to hide their tears! 

OH MAMA ~ OH DADDY

plain & simple

I miss you.

honestly, I do!