Daddy, I want to be like you when I grow up

 dearest daddy ~

~ a smile will forever cross my face with every thought & memory of you

~ you always wanted a front row seat to anything for me or the boys

~ you never wanted to leave

~ you had this knack for truly wanting to soak it all in . . . . and so often I think you mastered it

~ you had the perfect balance of being strongly opinionated yet eager to listen to & most importantly love all

~ you were hands down the most non-judgemental being ever

~ you were always able to find the good in people & situations

~ I LOVE how you LOVED ALL

~ you always pointed me to Jesus, God’s Word, TRUTH

~ you LIVED for Jesus so well

~ you were so supportive and proud of mama

~  you loved us both so well

~ home was in your smile & the twinkle in your eye

~ every trip “home”, you were waiting by the door to greet me/us 

~ every time leaving, you were standing by the car waving until I/we pulled away

~ I always knew I was the apple of your eye

~ you were one of my best earthly teachers

Thanks for being my biggest cheerleader on earth . . . . and in heaven.

Oh Mama . . .

It’s a phrase I utter often.

It’s been a solid year since I last spoke to my very first, forever best friend . . . . or actually, since I audibly heard her respond. I do “write” to her . . . My journals are titled “oh mama”. I ask her things I’ll never know the answer to and it pains me.

I’ve asked God often for a dream date w/ mama and daddy, to feel her awkward side hug and squeeze from him. I’ve had just 1 . . . . longing and praying for one tonight.  

Grief is a weird thing. Seasons of MY grief have included:

~ bittersweet ~ joy & tears when I rest in the creativity of God . . . . We have a beautiful, creative story in Him.  I know that’s a treasure that only I can fully understand and appreciate.  

~ for so long I told myself I just need to get over missing my parents;  I have to face it, I am not the only one who has lost their parents.  I am not getting any younger and simply need to accept as it’s the season we are entering.  

~ my hardest season has been most recent . . . It has always been the three of us.  I KNOW I wasn’t abandoned BUT I do often feel “left out”, or left behind.  We were our own little trio, even when I “grew up” and on my own, started our family etc.  It has always been us 3.

~ I KNOW the pain from missing them is simply because they loved me so well.  THAT is why the ache is so deep.  THAT is why I am so grateful.

~ It aches me that a year has gone by and I still have a lifetime to go w/ out them.  Actually aches me to my core.

~ Most of all . . . . I am grateful I had parents who not only loved me but pointed me to truth, life, & love in Jesus; because they did, they are together and I will get to see them again.  

~ They would want YOU to know Jesus too.  Mama & Daddy had a confident, assurance filled, relationship with Jesus and will rest in Heaven for eternity. 

Love is Forever. Always Together.